The Descent of Man
(A Humorous but Serious Poem on the Descent of Man, not by Darwin, but according to the Monkeys)
Two monkeys sat in a coconut tree,
Discussing things as they’re said to be.
Said one to the other, “Now listen you,
There’s a certain rumor that can’t be true,
That man descended from our noble race.
The very idea is a disgrace.
No monkey ever deserted his wife,
Starved her babies or ruined her life.
And you’ve never known a mother monk,
To leave her babies and find another bunk,
Or pass them on from one to another,
Till they scarcely know who is their mother;
And another thing you’ll never see
Is a monk build a fence ‘round a coconut tree,
And let the coconuts go to waste,
Forbidding others to have a taste.
If I’d put a fence around this tree,
Starvation would force you to steal from me.
Here’s another thing a monk won’t do,
Go out at night and get on a stew,
And use a gun or club or knife
To take some other monkey’s life.
Yes, man descended, that ornery cuss,
But, brother, he didn’t descend from us.”